Dearly Departed?

This was just a small adventure I had on Monday morning.

I was having weird chest pain all weekend off and on, but not something that made me think I was having a heart attack, more like a stitch in my upper left chest. It was sharp, but also kind of radiated a little, and felt kind of hot. I thought maybe I did something lifting weights, but of course, being the dedicated hypochondriac that I am, I googled various varieties of chest pain/chest wall pain/blood clot etc. and managed to concern myself suitably that it could have been a blood clot. Or maybe a heretofore undiscovered strain of tubercular virus. So, after a bad bout Sunday night while loading the dishwasher, I told myself that if I didn't feel better in the a.m., I'd stop at the immediate care place on the way to work and see if there was something they could do or test me for, maybe make sure it wasn't a giant tumor with tentacles poised to spring from my chest.

So, fast forward to the morning, pain still there, so I stopped. This was my compromise, because I REALLY didn't want to go to the ER ($500 co pay if they don’t admit you, plus the sitting and waiting all day with bleeding street people), nor did I want to take a ½ day or more off to try and get in to see my doctor and sit in the damn waiting room w/a bunch of sick people. I figured that early in the a.m., I’d get right in and hopefully have my mind set at ease.

Boy was I wrong!

I did get right in, but apparently "chest pain" = "possible law suit if this broad keels over" in their eyes, because the next thing I knew, I had an IV in me, a nitro patch, oxygen, and I was on an ambulance on my way to the ER (and no siren!). The Dr., who was Russian or Polish or something with a Natasha and Boris-type accent was all, "I vant to make sure is nothing serious vis heart, and I can't do here, so we sending you to ER. Hang on."

At first I was thinking, "OK, this is silly," but then I wondered if maybe she knew more than she was letting on. My worry, however, was well masked by the nitro, which caused my blood pressure to drop about 20 points during the ambulance ride. Did I mention there was NO SIREN?!

So, long story short, nothing appeared amiss on the chest x-ray or in my blood, so they sent me home with the chest pain still there and the addition of a nice headache from the nitroglycerin. Thank you very much. I'm not complaining, I felt the care was very good and thorough. And I'm glad it was nothing, because I just don't have time or energy for anything serious right now. I suppose it's better to feel stupid than it is to be vindicated in these situations.

The dot on the i of this whole story, though, is that when mom came to pick me up, they told her I had "departed." My mom was like, "EXCUSE me?!" "Yes, she departed about 5 minutes ago." Fortunately, I came around the corner about then. I was lost, but not departed, dearly or otherwise.

The son of a lady who works at the college was the ambulance attendant, so now I feel she and I have a special bond because her son saw my boob. Possibly more than once. I'm supposed to follow up w/my doctor next week and maybe have a stress test. They have to test me to see if I’m under stress? I think I can answer that w/out the electrodes.

Now I’m wondering if I’m still gonna get soaked for the $500, plus the ambulance ride. Ya just can't win.