A Wild Hair

I can't decide if I like my new highlight job or not. It was supposed to be a mix of "caramel" (which I assumed to be a light brown) and the regular bleached highlights, but it came out rather distinctly copper. Like a new penny. People at work said they like it, but I don't know if they're just being polite. I can't get in until next week for her to try and fix it, so I have 'til then to decide if it's worth the effort. The cut, however, I love. It was getting way unruly -- it's back to a quick towel dry and able to withstand 100 mph again.

Whadya think? Fix or leave it alone. My co worker said fixing hair color can sometimes make it worse, and she has a good point. And I'm not sure if the fix will be free or not (though I think it should be), so there's that too!

(click images to see them larger)

Good Plants Gone Wild

I am quite literally up to my ass in Swiss chard. Actually, some of the leaves (like these) are even higher than my waist.

These are more normal sized plants, but still, going to town. Notable in and of itself, but I can't help but marvel at the fact that chard is one of the more photogenic vegetables.




I wanted to post some garden progress pictures, but really the whole garden scene looks like crap. The unreliable spring weather resulted in poor planning on my part and hasty planting overall. The result is a roughshod plot that demonstrates little organization or foresight, and I've got stuff growing I didn't even plant. Like this -- I think it's corn (next to the non producing eggplants).

My favorite Chinese co worker convinced me to plant a sweet potato that had started sprouting on my desk. So I did. And the vines, or whatever they are, have bullied the adjacent tomato into submission and are now about to swallow the shed. Actually, I'm not 100% sure I did it right, because sometimes I don't always understand EXACTLY what she's saying. Something about burying the potato "just little bit," then snipping off the vines and re planting them? I planted a few snipped vines and left some as is. We'll see what happens.


Also, random sunflowers and peanut plants are popping up, no doubt planted by squirrels that are either really brilliant or slightly retarded, depending on your perspective.


And here's a tomato plant growing out of the compost bin.


It may be the only survivor, actually, because the rest of the tomatoes are being slowly consumed by blight. I'm trimming and spritzing with a home remedy concoction I got off the Internet, but I think it's going to be a losing battle.

My little patio tomato plants are particularly blighty. Isn't that pathetic?

I'm hoping they hang on long enough so I can at least get a few little tomatoes off of them. I have two more out front in pots that are doing a little better.

Black eyed Susan's, which usually offer a reliable splash of color and charm, are kind of...out of hand, frankly.


But on the plus side, the basil seeds I tossed out have turned in to a bumper crop (left), and so did the chard seeds, which I didn't even expect to grow (right).


I've also got some baby bell peppers...


Tiny hot ornamental peppers that my dad said will blow the top of your head off if you attempt to eat them...


And some menarda (a.k.a. bee balm) that I accidentally uprooted and then attempted to relocate seems to have "took," and a flock of teeny tiny butterflies (I guess, or maybe they're moths?) have been flitting around them on a regular basis.



Here's the back garden behind the shed with my newly added anti varmint fortification in place. I'm sure it would be totally ineffective if a deer or other critter made even half an effort to thwart it, but I'm thinking maybe it's enough of a deterrent to make the interlopers wander into my totally unprotected neighbor's garden instead. Don't tell.


Here's the back yard part of the garden -- it's kind of an embarrassment and limping along due to increased shade from tree growth.



Herb garden I looks OK.



Herb garden II (not pictured) is a little sad looking and being overrun by chipmunks. I found a dead one in the garage yesterday though. Karma! I know they're cute, but damn...they suck. And they stink a lot more than mice when they die behind the freezer. Make a note of it.

Here's some baby chard I thinned out and have been consuming in green smoothies.


I'm wondering if I can make chard puree in the blender and then freeze that in large cubes (Dixie cups maybe?) for future use over the fall and winter in smoothies. What do you think?

In other news, mom and dad celebrated their 51st anniversary Saturday! I called to wish them happy anniversary, but, like last year, my dad wasn't exactly sure where my mom went. Later I asked if they had done anything special that day and my dad said, "I did laundry, and I think your mother went to the library." I get a little misty just thinking about it. We were going to go to Colonial, but decided that was too much effort, so I brought over some Dairy Queen. Here's dad sampling the toppings, pre sundae assembly.


I convinced my mom (who HATES wind chimes), that 51 is the wind chime year. She was not thrilled. Truth be told, I got that little chime at the annual Hysterical Society garage sale for two bucks. My dad kind of liked it and wondered aloud if he could hang it in his room, but my mom quickly nixed that idea.


Speaking of the garage sale, look at the cute little nosegay vase I got for 50 cents! This arrangement is for Tracey :)


I also got a space heater to combat the ridiculous air conditioner settings at work, a small dresser, a bunch of colored envelopes and paper, two extension cords, a cement ducky, a buttload of plastic and wooden hangers, some baskets, linen napkins, a camera, and ... other essential treasures I can't remember right now...all for about $35 bucks that went to a good cause. I wasn't fast enough to snag some polka dot rubber garden boots or a pair of metal frog statues.

The Oldest Profession

Beth gave me a version of this shirt with the explanation of, "Not everybody can wear this, but when I saw it, I thought of you." I'll leave that open to interpretation. I get comments every time I wear it, so I decided to shamelessly capitalize on it. This is the design I just posted on Zazzle. Order yours today!

Eye Candy

Love or hate Lady GaGa (for the record, I love her), her Judas video is wicked cool, and I am so impressed with her eye makeup. Yes, me. Not a big makeup wearer, generally speaking, but this... this is divine inspiration. It's possible I may adopt (sounds better than steal) this look.

These eyebrows...how awesome are they??


And check this out:


According to the Internet (which I'm still mad at for the stirrup thing, btw), This is the "Eye of Horus." The "Eye of Horus" is an ancient Egyptian symbol of protection, closely associated with the goddess Wadjet. In "Judas," Gaga wears eye makeup that recalls the symbol. Who knew.

The hitch in this plan, though, is that if I turn over an eye makeup leaf and actually start wearing the stuff with consistency, my source for $19 eyeliner pencils might dry up. That source being my mom. She is the queen of Estee Lauder gifts with a purchase, has a direct line to Mary Kay, and is an actual dealer in a private line of makeup known as Vivian Woodard. The woman is connected. And she forces these things upon me, along with lipstick, whenever I visit without makeup on. I have never purchased a tube of lipstick in my life. So I must give this reinvention of self some thought. Also, I'm not so sure this look will be quite as hot behind my bifocals. Crap. What would Wadjet do?

Lack of Safety and Other Random Documetation

This is documentation that the bridge to South Elgin is even more out than it was before. This daring photos was taken by Odie, and it was without the benefit of my wicked cool new bike helmet, which I got on sale.



I have not yet been able to get a shot of me wearing it. Probably because I'm moving way too fast.

I realized I have not posted any photos of Hoops lately, so here are a few of her doing what she does best: pretending to be a mighty hunter, power lounging and looking cute.






Here is mom's nosegay from when she was in the hospital. I think the nurse that finally got the IV in right ended up with it as her reward.




This was a hastily assembled nosegay for the kitchen, but I kind of like it. The white flowers are from the catnip plant.



The blasted heat wave has made gardening difficult. Add to that all the rain, and who knows what's going on out there. I think the Swiss chard is about to take over though. In between rain showers, I've managed to get in some good bike rides and kayaking. Last weekend Roland and Amy convinced me and Beth to kayak the Kishwaukee River. We timed it pretty well between monsoons and had a fun and rather swift float. I didn't take many photos, but here are a couple from the launch. We started in Belvidere Park, which is pretty nice and has fun swings, which Roland and I sampled, along with some Frisbee golf.

Here are our boats ready to go and then one shot from the water.

What, No Cigarette?

So I had this little "procedure" yesterday, which basically involved the spelunking of my pee hole. And yes, if you can imagine one of the most unpleasant and undignified experiences one might endure in a doctor's office, while awake, then that would be an accurate mental picture ... to which you would then need to add the sensation of someone shooting a bolus of lidocaine into a hole that, up until now, had only been a one-way orifice ... and then, just for grins, make note the perfect stranger wiping off your hoo ha. Are we having fun yet? At that juncture, I felt that someone needed to buy me dinner or at least share a cigarette. But all I got was a wad of Kleenex for post prod blotting and (maybe?) a sympathetic eyebrow. Hmf.

I wonder if modern medicine will ever evolve to the point where patient dignity is any kind of a factor in quality care. I mean seriously. When the nurse has to leave to go fetch something, thereby putting the procedure in a holding pattern, engaging in idle chit chat whilst splayed out like a pithed frog is just awkward. Could I get a drape here? Maybe a paper towel or a hanky? Do you have to sit right THERE on your little rolly stool to talk to me? Really?

Here’s a partial conversation that occurred while the doctor was poking around with her "little" camera.

Her: "You’re urethra is pretty tight, especially at the top, I’m having trouble even getting the camera through."

Me: (through gritted teeth). "Yeah ... I know!"

Her: "Relax."

Me: (Exhaling, because I just realized I had been holding my breath, so I sounded like I had just taken a huge bong hit, which, come to think of it, I am totally going to do if I have to go through this again) "What is that, urology humor?"

Her: (laughing) "Yeah, I guess it is."

Then, as long as we were all prepped and, you know, in the position and all, she thought it might be prudent to DILATE my urethra. Yes, that sounds as breathtaking as it really is. Not as painful as you might think, just Gaaaa! WTF?! And the unnerving CLANKING of what I assume were dilating wands (Expecto Urethra!) that sounded like Craftsman wrenches.

It's possible my eye sockets will never return to their normal size – time will tell.

The only small consolation is that, while I was in the waiting room, I realized that for ONCE, the men in there were likely going to have a much less pleasant experience than I was. Justice? I dunno.

I should add, when all was said and done, the whole deal (cystoscopy and dilation would be the technical jargon I think) wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Not much worse than a pelvic exam discomfort-wise, though a bit longer in duration. A little more explanation on what the hell was happening and reassurance that I was not going to experience searing pain at any moment would have helped. To say I was TENSE would be an understatement. Also, the internet said that a flexible scope would NOT require stirrups, and THE INTERNET LIED.

(What sick masochistic fuckwad invented stirrups anyway?)

As long as we’re sharing TMI, I will also add that peeing (post spelunking), feels like it might if you put a bunch of red hots in your bladder, did a little hula dance and then shot the now flaming stream of smokin’ hot pee out of your actual body. But AZO took care of that.

The good news? I can now pee almost like a racehorse. The bad news? I might have to go back in September for another round. Anybody got a bong I can borrow?


P.S. Don't ever have your doctor call a prescription in (get the damn paper copy) to Target, because Target pharmacy hours are NOT useful to anyone who might actually drive in real traffic and/or work for a living, which makes NO SENSE, since it's only the working poor who might actually have insurance, because then you will have to call the doctor on call and explain to him what just happened as you sit panicked in the Target parking lot, knowing for sure that bacteria are invading your bladder at that very moment if you don't get your antibiotic RIGHT NOW, so then you have to explain the whole fucking situation to the harried pharmacist at Walgreens, who is literally talking on two phones at once while she fills pill bottles and types on a computer, that she has to call the number for this answering service scrawled here on the back of a Target coupon and ask them to page the doctor so he can direct the harried pharmacist to fill a partial prescription for TWO PILLS (?!) to get you through the day until you can get the rest of your antibiotic from Target the next day...but not until 9 a.m. in the fucking morning, because they don't open until NINE!!! And for the record, the emergency script was for half-strength pills (WTH?), so now I'm probably still going to die of an infection despite my best efforts. Fucking Target.

Disappointing Crop

I only got one stinkin' bowl of cherries off the tree this year. On the up side, only a few had worms. But it was disappointing nonetheless. I made three little containers of cherry freezer jam with the lot.

And then I poached another nosegay. Well, the bigger one is mostly flowers from the yard behind me. The other one is all from my yard. I figure he owes me, because last year he killed all my Tiger Lilies with overzealous herbicide spraying. I'm still a little bitter.