I Hate Surprises

Seriously. It's getting so that I don't even want to answer the phone or check my mail, because more often than not, there's something stupid, alarming or otherwise stressful to deal with.

The latest is a letter from my mortgage company informing me of FEMA's brilliant analysis and map update that has resulted in my entire neighborhood (about 75 homes) being newly inducted into the flood zone. And NO party. Never mind that we are actually above the base flood elevation and that this area has NEVER in the entire history of the town flooded, we're now required to buy flood insurance to the tune of about $1,500 per year -- insurance that is structured in such a way so as to prevent anyone from actually being able to make a claim because:

There is a $5,000 deductible
It doesn't cover basements (WTF?!)
Flood water has to encompass at least 2 acres of your and/or adjacent property

In other words, it's completely useless to anyone except the insurance company that's collecting the dough. My insurance agent, who hates even selling flood insurance, confirmed this. Apparently, this type of "program" is designed for places like the Mississippi valley, where the river can flood out over 20 miles and take out entire towns. Not the Fox River. But since FEMA is so underfunded, some guy on the East Coast gets to play with his maps and take his best guess at how to drop the property values of an entire town in one fell swoop.

Our only hope is to file for Letters of Map Amendment from FEMA (which will cost each homeowner about $400 for survey work) and hope FEMA can get around to approving them before we've spent too much on insurance. Oh yes, we have 45 days to purchase insurance, but FEMA gets 60+ days to process the disputes. It's the 10-pack of hot dogs vs. eight-pack of hot dog buns thing all over again! And we call ourselves world leaders.

Being the pot stirrer that I am, I ran off 75 letters, copied the maps on the back and went door to door in my 'hood. 99% of my neighbors didn't even know about this (our village leaders are such communicators), so a bunch of us attended the last village board meeting to see what else could be done. We're hoping to get a "group discount" on the survey work.

Seeing my name in the lead paragraph of the local newspaper today was not as thrilling as you might think. Especially given the number of online assholes who felt the need to smugly comment on our situation, which feeds my belief that "I got mine, so the hell with anyone else" is fast becoming a national value, if it isn't already. Kind of goes hand-in-hand with the NIMBYs I suppose. But it's disheartening nonetheless. I wonder if a drop in unemployment will result in fewer idiots making rude comments just because they can.

The other recent traumatic event was that I thought my Nano died. My iPod is the only thing that saves me from insomnia, so I was in panic mode. That, however, led me to discover the fact that Lenore still had the last Harry Potter book on her iPod, so I am re listening to it. I must have been very distracted last time I read this book, because there's very little I actually remember. I'm a big fan of Jim Dale (the narrator), so I find myself looking forward to and actually plotting time to listen. Oh, and little Nano wasn't dead, just completely exhausted and in need of a super charge. Phew.