Looking Good...I Guess

Legousia speculum-veneris

So when the gynecologist tells you, "Everything looks good!" should you say thank you, or just kind of let it go? I’m never sure. I opted for "Uh…OK." I am now a believer, though, in snagging that first appointment of the morning. I was in and out in under a half hour (and so was she, heh heh.) And I scored some free samples that are supposed to be better than Advil. I’m not sure I’ll ever not hate that whole experience though. Who the fuck invented stirrups? Could that exam technique be any more demeaning?

In other lady parts news, I also went for the annual boob scrunch, a.k.a. mammogram, where I scored a new supply of Mammo Wipes (handy on bike rides and any other time you need a refreshing moist towelette for mammaries and other parts – body or mechanical) and yet another glowing assessment. The tech was having a good day, apparently, or maybe my boobs were just extra cooperative, because she was all, "You can come in and have me do your mammogram ANY time – these films are just PERFECT!" She went on to exclaim that these were the kinds of films the hospital would send off for accreditation. Again, do you say "thank you" or just let it go? I opted for, "Well, I guess I’ll take fame where I can get it." But I don’t want to say too much more about it all lest I jinx it – haven’t gotten the results back on that yet. I can't help but fret. The Pap (I refuse to say "smear." Oops, damnit, I just did. Again, who came up with THAT name?), however, was all good.

As if all that touching wasn’t enough, I start physical therapy tomorrow for my shoulder, which appears to have developed some sort of "impingement." I think that's the term they use when they don’t know what else to call it.

"It hurts when I do this."
"Ah…must be an impingement."

We'll see. My guy (a former stellar source from my fitness column days) says he can get it on the road to recovery in three to four weeks. I think I can live with that.

One last anatomical anecdote: there was a college rep giving out free brains today by the cafeteria. Little stress ball brains. I had fun telling people, "Hey look! Free brains in the Commons – you should go get one!" Actually, it didn’t get as many laughs as I thought it would.